Missives of A Neurotic Triathlete

I am engaged to my husband!

baxterhansen — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 17:35:40 +0000

So if you follow my blog, and really shame on you if you don’t, you know I met my husband, now my fiance, a year and a half ago while swimming in the ocean. We were friends, then we dated, then we broke up, got back together and then starting talking long term. Here is the thing. He is from France. Apparently there it is customary to live together before getting married. They even have this legal step before marriage that couples can take that give them some benefits of marriage but doesn’t completely legally bond them financially. So it’s the perfect solution for those that don’t want to talk prenup (that’s my interpretation)! While I am a totally hip, modern girl, I do have some surprisingly traditional beliefs and not living together before marriage was one of them. Thus my husband and I were at a standstill for a month or so. We were both caught up in what was expected of us and our long held beliefs. Plus really who wants to be the one that gives on this one?! It’s a major one to lose! OK, so once we got past our playground rivalry we sat down and talked about what we needed and wanted. Once we did that it was surprisingly simple to come up with a solution. The solution mind you was not simple, but the process of developing it was. So here is the 6 step process to become engaged when you are a 40 year old practical woman and in love with a Frenchman with different cultural values:

1. You look at your Grandma’s ring and fall in love with it
2. He asks your Catholic parents their permission to ask and buys the ring from them (very important that this happens prior to moving in)
3. He moves in
4. In a romantic, spur of the moment he asks you to marry him before he leaves for France but you can’t wear the ring cause you haven’t met his parents yet
5. You meet his parents and brother and everyone gets along swimmingly (never did understand that word, but given our relationship’s origin it seems appropriate)
6. You find a very romantic restaurant in a quaint neighborhood in Paris and since you are technically already engaged he says, “So should I just give it to you?”

And voila you are engaged (and see I now totally speak French)! Check back on the steps to getting married to a Frenchman!

Turning 40

baxterhansen — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:52:25 +0000

The bad…

My body is breaking down. I have had hip issues since my 20s but it never kept me from doing anything. Now I have been unable to run or bike since July. So not only do I not have that outlet but I’ve also gained 300 pounds. So my goal to be strong and healthy at 40 is not fulfilled.
I have zits and wrinkles – I call cruel and unusual on this one – seriously who can I sue?
My neurotic, pessimistic attitude is no longer cute or funny – now I’m just a sad, weird old lady.

The good…

Although I am limited by my hip I am fortunate to have a working, healthy body.
The zits confuse people so I am still carded sometimes which makes my day!!! Sad, I know, but it’s the little things!!
My neurosis has given me some good stories to keep me laughing in my old age – I’m tellin ya I’m gonna be the hit of an old folks home some day!
The best part of turning 40 is I care less about what people think (in a good way, not a fake “F” you way), I appreciate all that I have and there is a great peace in knowing yourself so well and liking what you’ve become.
I have tremendous friends and family. At this age I have the best friends I’ve ever had because I have chosen them and only keep healthy in my life.

SO bring it on 40!! Can’t wait to see what I am writing at 50!

Apparently wife is a 4 letter word…

baxterhansen — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:33:21 +0000

My husband and I were at my nephew’s flag football game on Saturday and we were sitting on the ground which was kinda uncomfortable, so at one point I sat behind him so he could lean up against my legs. A lady next to us leaned over and said, “What a good wife you are.” Not half a beat later I said, “I’m not a wife.” (And yes I get the irony that I call my boyfriend my husband but I don’t want to be called wife.) Good lord Kirsten. To which she says, “Ok, girlfriend, friend, whatever.” Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees. Let’s try that again Kirsten, shall we? How about a simple, “Thank you.” or “He takes good care of me too.” or something similarly gracious. Poor lady. So not only do I offend her by my rude response, but she probably is a wife and happy to be one, so why am I so apparently adamantly against the label?!! Once again, gotta love my husband. I said, “You know not to take that personally right?” He just laughed and said, “Yeah, I know you well enough to know what you meant. I was wondering how you were going to respond, but I couldn’t even get out the thought before you said it!” On the one hand the poor guy doesn’t have the starry eyed, love struck girlfriend, but hey, on the other hand he also doesn’t have the “when are we going to get married?” girlfriend either… I’d say since he gets me as a back rest, he’s got it pretty damn good!

Treating my boyfriend like a dog…

baxterhansen — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 19:27:25 +0000

So yesterday I had a piece of brownie to give to my boyfriend, but he had his head down working on the puzzle, so to get his attention I made the same kiss kiss noise I make to get my dog Baxter’s attention. Olivier popped his head up, I put the treat (I mean brownie) in his mouth and walked away thinking nothing of it.

This morning I was sitting on the couch enjoying a cup of coffee and my boyfriend was standing across the room. I wanted him to sit next to me, so what did I do? Looked at him and patted the cushion next to me. He came over and sat down. As I was about to say, “Good boy!” I realized what I had just done. So instead I said, “I am so sorry, I have been speaking dog a lot longer than I’ve been speaking boyfriend.” He said, “That didn’t freak me out, but when you used the same noise to get my attention yesterday that you do to get Baxter’s that was a little weird, but I didn’t say anything cause I got food out of it!” Gotta love the simplicity of a man.

I then began thinking of the other things I do and realized as I was thinking that I was scratching behind his ear. Luckily he didn’t start pumping his leg.

Race

baxterhansen — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:41:45 +0000

This weekend I have the SLO sprint triathlon. The swim is in a pool so I don’t have to deal with a surf entry which is great, but the bike and run courses are pretty grueling. Plus it’s supposed to be like 86 degrees that day and I start to melt at about 75. But the real pressure is a woman from HS whom I reconnected with via FB is also doing the race and beat me last year by 3 minutes – and she said it would have been more if she hadn’t dropped her water bottle. OK, I love my boyfriend for many reasons, but one of them being he puts up with my crazy. Case in point – this is the email I sent to him:

This is what I did last year:

Swim (800 meters): 16:46
T1: 2:26
Bike (25K): 54:16:00
T2: :31
Run (5K): 30:21:00
Total: 1:44:24

XXX did it last year in 1:41:22. I don’t see where I can make up 3 minutes! LOL My bike was faster than I remembered. I can maybe take a minute off the run, and maybe get down to 16 for the swim, but no way am I getting down to 1:41:22!! So the goal of beating XXX has to come down to her doing much worse than she did last year!! LOL

Now, some boyfriends would just laugh it off and say something like, “Just do your best honey.” But not mine! Here is his response:

Actually I think you can easily make up 3 minutes. 16:48 for 800m does not match the pace I see you swimming. You are worth 1:50-1:55 – accounting for no wetsuit – in my opinion, which puts you around 15:00. I don’t know the layout but T1 seems solid. 17.2mph is a very good pace. However you will wear clips this year. Theoretically that’s about 5% or 2:40 in that case. You will lost a bit of time in T2 since you need to change shoes, let say :30. Same as for the swim, that is your cruising pace not your race pace, you should be closer to 29:00. That’s 5 minutes faster than last year!

So while that is all very specific and good, what it means is pressure is on! But then he looks at me and laughs and says to just have fun. He is so healthy… WHATEVER!!!

UPDATE – I took off 6 minutes, but she still beat me by 30 seconds! Congrats XXXX I’ll get you next year! LOL

Discomfort

baxterhansen — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:23:37 +0000

This post is all about discomfort. I am uncomfortable having to write about this and I am uncomfortable just sitting here. Why? Well, let’s just say I learned that I need a new product. It’s called chamois butt’r. And let’s just say it’s needed for an area just north of the butt’r. So if I am uncomfortable posting this the obvious question is… then why do it? Well, for one, this is actually nothing in my world of embarrassment (oh the stories that won’t be told here!), but mostly because I am all about sharing my humiliation in an effort to help someone else avoid a similar fate. So ladies (and gentlemen I’m told) when going on a long ride, or taking an especially grueling spin class, invest in some chamois butt’r. The instructions are on the box.

What not to say to a neurotic triathlete

baxterhansen — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:57:13 +0000

This is not going to be a comprehensive list. Actually it is just one example. But it’s a good one. OK, so you know already that I am not good going out through the waves. What I haven’t shared is I am also not good feeling like I am in the middle of the ocean. So the big plus of swimming at La Jolla cove is there are no waves to deal with, but the negative is at the turn around you are 1/2 a mile from the shore – and thus – IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN. OK, so my swim buddy knows this about me so often we will just swim to the 1/4 mile buoy twice to get in our mile. Well, in my constant effort to torture myself, aka push myself, on Friday I agreed to go to the 1/2 mile buoy. So we pass the 1/4 mile and at one point stop to sight the 1/2 mile and my buddy says to me, “See it way out there?” I look at her and just start laughing. Really? Is that the best way to phrase that to me?!!! Yeah, I see it WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out there!! Good lord woman!!!

Together – again

baxterhansen — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 19:51:21 +0000

OK, so you know I met my husband and then started dating him. Not sure if I included that at one point I broke up with him. Well, I saw the foolishness of my ways and begged for him back. He agreed… with some rules. One of which was we were no longer going to run together. He didn’t enjoy it. OK, fair enough. So we, along with our friend Jill, signed up for the AFC half marathon and agreed we could train together so long as Jill was with us. Well, again if you read my blog, Jill broke her wrist, so was unable to go on long runs (the crazy girl is still swimming in the ocean and doing short runs with her cast… seriously!). So one day we tried running just the two of us. Again, I agreed to his “rules”. We were to run his pace and stop to walk on his schedule. Fair enough. Little did I know there were other rules as well. So we start running and I am gabbing away, cause really the only reason to run with other people is to chat so as to distract you from the PAIN. I notice that he is really only saying “uh huh”, which yeah, that’s not talking. So I ask him if he wants to make dinner that Saturday to which he responded, “Um, yeah, OK.” Well good lord that was less than enthusiastic, so I say, “We don’t have to if you’d rather do something else.” To which he responded by pointing ahead and saying, “I am running.” I get that I am a master multitasker, but I had no idea that running and talking was considered multitasking. But now I know. So once again the moral of the story is you gotta talk all this shit out so you don’t make simple mistakes like talking when you should be focused on breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. While I poke fun at my husband I must point out that he is the only one of my training buddies that has not been injured. So there might be something to this single focused training…

Final sign…

baxterhansen — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:05:52 +0000

I train with a wonderful young woman who is also a newbie and just has a great attitude about training. We both want to push ourselves, but we mostly want to have fun. Well, last Saturday we were out on a bike ride and she hit a pothole and was thrown from her bike. She scratched up her right side and broke her left wrist in 3 places. I hit the pothole before her but was fortunate enough to go over it – my boyfriend explained that my weight must have been more in the back thus freeing my front wheel to bounce over the pothole – well, at least my big ass comes in handy for some things!! My smaller derriered friend was not so fortunate. OK, scary as shit, but she handled it like a rock star and there were some wonderful women that stopped and helped. They tended to her while I called 911. OK, thank god for the people that answer 911 – since I called from a cell phone who knows where the woman was who answered and all I kept telling her was the intersection where we were – she just kept calmly asking me, “What city are you in?” Good lord – yeah, that would help I guess! Then she asked me if Jill was breathing OK – so I ask Jill and of course she was having trouble breathing due to being in shock and having injured her hip – so now I am concentrating on Jill and not the 911 lady again – good lord Kirsten focus!!! Finally I get put through to the local dispatch and was able to get it together long enough to tell them where we were – which incidentally was right in front of my face – there was a motel with the address literally in front of my face – so note to others that have to make that 911 call – go back to the theme of this blog and “just breathe” and then calmly and succinctly tell them where you are (including the city) and what happened – my approach of free association was not so effective!

OK, so finally the beautiful firemen and ambulance drivers get there (actually it wasn’t that long it just felt like it). Seriously I think they have a requirement that they be beautiful to take your mind off the horrific accident that just occurred. Anyhoo, they clean her up, my boyfriend and Jill’s roommate were on the way to get our bikes, so I rode in the ambulance with her. We get there, they put her in a bed, a nurse comes to ask her questions, then the doctor is there asking questions… all this to say a bit of time has now past since the ambulance drivers were there – well, next thing we know he is back, so the doctor stops asking questions assuming the driver needs her to sign something… the driver looks at her and hands her a flyer and says, “I am performing in a comedy club in a couple of weeks and I’d love for you to come. You look like you could use some laughs. Brings some friends, I’d love for you to be there.” I wish I had a camera to take a picture of the look on the doctor’s face! Seriously? My patient is in pain, bleeding from the face and you interrupt me to ask her out?!!!! OK, yes, my friend is ridiculously cute, so I don’t blame him, but that takes serious balls to interrupt an ER doc to ask her out!! I actually was very grateful for this “interruption” cause it put a smile on her face and gave us something to laugh about – and more importantly something for me to blog about! So now she is in a cast for 6 weeks, so she can’t train nor do the race. This is the last and final sign that I should not be doing this race in 2 weeks! Because again, it’s all about me…

Oh, and side note: again TCSD rocks! They gave Jill a $75 gift certificate to a local bike shop to replace her tire and a free tune up! Seriously best club ever!!!

Falling – aka Biking

baxterhansen — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:38:49 +0000

I don’t know what is wrong with me but for some reason my body seems to think that it isn’t biking unless I’m falling. More specifically, it’s a fall that include successfully clipping out on the right, leaning left and thus… falling. My last two rides I have done this. What the hell? I am clipped out. I am a coordinated person. I don’t enjoy falling. I am thinking about what I’m doing. So what’s up?!!! The big problem is the falling left – guess what’s to the left… um yeah, that would be CARS. I am having dreams of my head being smashed like a big watermelon. That can’t be a good way to go and seriously how traumatic for my fellow bikers?! Since I’m all about making life easier and more pleasant for others, this is just not acceptable. Someone suggested clipping out left… well, ok, but what about ALL of the times I successfully clipped out right, leaned right and didn’t fall… would those have been a fall if I had clipped out left?!! Truly this is not rocket science. My boyfriend suggested that since I have not been hurt in any of my falls that I am not appropriately motivated to NOT fall. Once again, short of being a watermelon, how hurt would I have to be for his theory to work?! Yeah, that doesn’t sound like something I want to experiment with. Then there are the people of the mind that if I stop thinking about it so much it won’t happen. Well… I have to think about it some because clearly it isn’t second nature yet. So again, where is that line? For peat’s sake – this should not be this difficult… or am I making it difficult… no, I couldn’t be the problem, must keep searching… s